Tuesday, August 19, 2008

don't fight Me...

So I usually leave my many random (might I add, deep and very insightful) thoughts to my journal. I just figure not everyone wants to hear the crazy things that float through my brain... but see countless pictures of my adorable two kids - yes, that is what people want to see! But tonight I am rather comfy here in front of my computer, with my feet propped up as I munch on Dove caramel chocolates - props to my hubby.
My little Jude is six months and quite (should I say more appropriately - VERY attached) to me. While I just eat up his adoration, it makes nap time/bedtime rather difficult as I have to rock him until he falls asleep and then without him noticing I put him down to sleep. We all know when nap time is here because his eyes turn bloodshot and he gets super irritable. Often it takes him about thirty minutes of struggling with me to finally give in and fall asleep. The whole time I 'ssshhh' him and bounce him and rock him. Today I was rocking him and he was just fighting me every step of the way. He was so tired but did not want to give in and close his eyes. I sat there and said softly, "Don't fight me sweet baby. Don't fight me. You need to sleep." All of a sudden God spoke to my heart loud and clear.
I often find myself jumping on one of those gerbil wheels that go round and round and round (the wheels on the bus ain't got nothing on me!) and for some reason I mindlessly continue to power it. God has opened the cage door and shown me the way out of bondage. He has told me of freedom and even given me a glimpse of what it felt like. But no. I have chosen the wheel. I go nowhere. I know I am going nowhere. But I continue. Why? Definitely not because I want to workout... because I soooooo don't. It is simply because I am stubborn and want to be in control. I loudly announce to God "whoohoo, look at me! I am having so much fun (as I am about to puke because I've been running inside this dumb wheel all day)." But I softly hear God say... don't fight ME my sweet baby. I know what is best. I want to give you all that I have. It is all yours. But you have to fully surrender first. No, surrender means everything. Your family, your future, your self, your will. Give it up to me and I will give you all that I AM, my Son Jesus. He is more than enough. So step off that endless cycle of going nowhere and walk by My side to a world you have never seen before. Don't fight ME my sweet baby."
You see, as I parent my sweet children God is ever parenting me. I want to crawl up in His lap and just listen to His voice. I long for Him to rock me back and forth as I float into slumber. My Abba Father... He has shown me through my children how He desires me to become with Him. Simply put - He wants me to have that ever taught 'childlike faith.' Teach me O Jesus. Teach me.


The White House said...

Thanks, Cassie for the encouragement to rest and trust in the Lord. He is good.

Valerie Pearson said...

A perfectly timed message for me and my the random, the deep, the insightful -- and always the pics of the adorable little men in your life!